Tough Times for Non-Humans

Even non-humans suffer from these difficult economic times, but occasional signs prove they, too, find ways to meet the challenges.

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Are humans recycling their old rags instead of throwing them away? Come to the Brownie Rag Co-oops for the latest in wearable rags. Just arrived: a shipment of old shop rags with grease and Prussian blue stains! No rag with less than five holes — Guaranteed!
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Will trade lodging for milk: Family of seven dwarves seeking respectable minotauress needing a home. Offering cozy shed-to-stable conversion with separate entrance and corral. Must be non-charging and non-goring — please provide references. Must supply own salt & mineral blocks; adjacent grazing lot is provided.
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Injured rock troll cracked. Will work for mortar.
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We three maidens of the Rhein offer a portion of our Rheingold in exchange for a barrel of fish heads.
 (Whaddya mean “we”?I never agreed to that!

Shut up, shut up, I’m the oldest!

You can’t boss me around, sister!

Oh, like you’re going to swim for the Rheingold, I don’t think so! You just sit on a rock and sing — that’s not getting us any fish heads!

Yeah, well you just comb your hair with lah-ti-dah trout ribs!

Oh, huh!…)

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Announcement:
In response to current economic challenges, PRA (Pack Rats Anonymous) has undergone reorganization and renaming. PRA (Personal Recycling Association) re-welcomes its former PRA members. Forget about your (Fill in #) Step Program—there’s no more need to count how many paces you try to take to the wastebasket or curb. No longer must you hide that interesting bit of cardboard under your jacket or conceal your broken crayon collection.

As we open our membership to the nouveau poor, we count on our old Pack Rats to teach newcomers things to do with empty kitty litter jugs, tuna cans, metal and plastic bottle caps, tape wads, and tangled bits of string. Show your projects and collections with pride!

Our annual conference will have a re-new look, too. Guest speaker Sally Whereditgo (author of Don’t Pitch the Pickle Jar and Primal Soup in the Veggie Drawer) heads an all-species line-up of expert penny pinchers including the following:

Count ‘lad the Lesser: Double Duty—Compost in Your Coffin

Zelda the Zombie: Extreme Eyes (The Definitive Guide to Recycled Anatomy)

Ursula Buttercup: Sleeping through Hard Times and The Werebear Pawbook of Hibernation

Penelope Periwinkle: Pitch the Pickle Jar—Picking Pixie Playgrounds

Plus our own Pack Rat, Gordon the Ghoul: Re-upholstery — New Life for Old Blue Jeans; Hiccup — Monononey Shaving Whazzit Tips from Claunalulul Clulalarrkish Cluracaun Cellar; 1000 Uses for Empty Thread Spools; and The Lamia’s Calorie Counter for That Sleek Snake Shape

Workshops include quilting blankets from retired sweatshirts, braiding rugs with old landline phone cords, making mud-based paint, repairs with chewing gum, and candy wrapper origami.

For further information, watch for our fliers tossed in dumpsters or blowing around parking lots near you.

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